How I feel today

Today, and the past week have been very hard for me. I have withdrawn from my family and friends somewhat. I stopped calling, returning texts etc....all I do is update my Facebook enough to where people think I am ok and just busy. On the inside, I feel defeated in a way. I feel like there is something that just isn't right. See, when I see me, I see the persona, not the person. I see what I put out there for everyone else, I see the jokes, the motions but I still don't see the real me.....I don't even know who that is yet....then I start questioning if maybe this is the real me. Maybe I am this shallow and vein, maybe I am this selfish and judgmental. Maybe what I really am unhappy with is the person I am, not that the person I was is any different. I have a great relationship right now and you would think that everything just magically would feel better. A huge part of me does, a huge part of me is very happy that I have found someone like Tim to build a family with and to grow old together.

There is just this part of me that feels that I am not living the way I was meant to. I always feel the why me. I always feel the lack of something that I can't describe. I always saw myself becoming famous, maybe it is a pipe dream. Maybe I need to accept the fact that I am just one of 6 Billion, trying to get through today.

Then I start saying that it isnt fair, another victim statement.